A test to determine if you’re middle-aged…

A Test To Determine If You’ve Reached Middle Age…by Richard Ripley


1.  The only corn that doesn’t affect your digestive tract adversely is candy corn.     True/False  circle one

2.  You can clear a room of teenagers by breaking into song, singing Foreigners “Hot Blooded”.  “Well I’m hot blooded, check it and see!  I got a fever of a hundred and three!  Com’ on baby do ya do more than dance?!  I’m hot blooded!  I’m hot blooded!!”  While gyrating around the room, fingering your air guitar.    True/False  circle one

3.  The street rod that you used to dream about when you were sixteen has been replaced by your new dream car, a four door sedan with good gas mileage, peppy acceleration & front seats with good lumbar support.     True/ Hell yes/ False/ The car is for my wife, I swear.

4.  All your favorite rock n’ roll bands are either on reunion tours or playing at area casinos.    True..I got a fever of a hundred and three, Com’on Bay-BEE…!!!/  False

5.  The baseball game of “500” that you used to play has been replaced with a new game, “Keep my cholesterol under 300 game.”    Sad, but true/ I love bacon/ False

6.  You play the guessing game “Is the pain in my chest the beginnings of a heart attack or is it just indigestion…again?!”  several times a week.  True/Hey..somethun’s gotta kill me/   It’ll be a day off of work either way/      I’ll either fart and feel much better or bite the dust and see what Heaven’s like in July…it can’t be any more humid than it is here/    False…I usually belch and feel better-rarely is it ever a fart, but I feel better either way.  Ideally…I’d do both within a minute if it’d relieve the pain.

 If you answered “yes” to any of these questions…you’re middle-aged.

ps…you’re welcome.


8 thoughts on “A test to determine if you’re middle-aged…

  1. Pingback: Not Quite As Cool As A Leg-Lamp Award, But Still Cool « Aaron D. Graham

    • It’s true…all of it TRUE!! I’m insanely funny, handsome and middle aged at the same time. It’s a lot to juggle, but I do it humbly and with a sense of duty to God and country. (breaking into the Battle Hymn of the Republic)…I should go now…my therapist hates it when I’m late.

  2. Hey, I loved your blog and have decided to nominate you for the “Versatile Blogger Award” This was handed down to me, and I now leave it in your capable hands. If you chose to accept this honor, there are some obligations. Not many. Just 3. (Technically there are 23, but who’s counting)

    Seriously though, I did enjoy your post. You can read about your blog here:

    • Thank you. Thankyouverymuch (in a very Elvis tone)
      I humbly accept this award with the hope that I won’t embrass former recipients or current nominees, but I ain’t making any hard and fast promises. Thank you for your kind comments; I’m new to blogging and am still trying to figure it out.

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