Letters to the editor part cino!!

 Real letters from real people, who can read!!

Baanbe Bihaari Qyyan MD Pa of Associated Colon & Rectal Specialists of Pittsburgh, PA writes me with this: in your first “letters to the editor” you switched up the words “prostrate” with “prostate”.  Because of this grammatical error you gave the wrong information.  You’re doing a disservice to your readers and endangering their lives!    Well first of all, I’m sorry (though I seriously doubt that any one of my devoted readers leans heavily on “me” for medical advice) but I will postpone my second snazzy little medical article “high sperm counts…friend or foe?” until I research the subject a little more carefully.  Secondly…that’s quite a name you’ve got there!  Have you ever considered a nickname like “Ed, Bert, Fred or Lester”?  All fine names…just a whole lot shorter and less formal than Baanbe Bihaari Qyyan.  Thanks for writing and let’s stay in touch! 

Carrie W. of Port Byron Illinois shoots off this dandy little bullet…in your latest cookbook you left out that there might be a possible allergic reaction to your “Tater Tot Shrimp Taco” casserole.  My apologies Carrie.  It’s hard to find a good on-line doctor at 3 in the morning when I edited that cookbook.  I hope that your hives clear up soon!  And when they do…head on out to your local book store and check out my latest culinary offering “Ribs, Wings, Ice Cream & Pie! Everything that you always wanted to know about cooking for a man!!” coming out just in time for Mother’s Day!

Carol S. of Juanita, Nebraska sounds off….our Huskers will kick your Hawkeye’s asses back across the Missouri River this November!  Time to die Hawkeye man!  How’s teaching Sunday school going Carol?!  HA!  I just love talking football with avid fans of the sport, but I’d like to point out to you, Carol sweetheart, that my beloved Hawkeye’s best players should be out on parole by late November and allowed to cross state lines….so maybe you should just lay off the caffeine sister.  I love ya Cornhuskers, welcome to the Big Ten, but let’s wait until the tables cleared on Thanksgiving to get riled up about my black and gold invading Memorial Stadium on Black Friday.   

PS…I dated a girl named Juanita, back in high school.  Sweet girl.  Freckles, red hair, played the trumpet.  I wonder how she’s doing? 

Georgine F. of Wilton, IA wrote to me with this pseudo-question…at the Muscatine County Beef Producers Steak Fry last month I thought that I heard you say that the “world would be a better place if everyone would read my blog.”  Did you really say that, and do you honestly think that?!  Georgine, Georgine, Georgine.  I say a lot of things and most of the time nobody is paying attention.  Hells bells…that very night I said that I’d like a second piece of pie for dessert; did anyone notice?  The answer is “no” as I had to stick with just one dessert, the tightasses.  As the lone alpha male in our household of one wife and two teenage daughters I’m often ignored…even when I have something really funny to share. Often times, as keynote speakers do, I’ll say stuff just to draw attention to myself or my cause.  I guess that I’m trying to say that I might be prone to exaggeration from time to time.  Anyway…my steak was fantastic and my hat goes off to all of the beef producers in the upper Midwest.  GO BEEF!!

PS…reading my blog actually counts as two college credit hours at any locally participating community college literary course.  It’s true!


Emmet “Shifty” B. of Watertown, SD wanted to correct me on this…in one of your March blogs, “It ain’t a garage unless I smell gas” you forgot to mention one very important piece of equipment in a man’s garage…the “pee jar.”  It’s essential to any man’s garage or machine shed, wouldn’t you agree?  Do you like to be called Shifty or Emmet?  I’ll go with Shifty for now.  You’re right, Shifty, I neglected to mention the pee jar. The pee jar is also known as the pee can, but either term is correct and both serve the same purpose.  For the ladies reading I’ll explain.  When a guy’s bladder is full, and he doesn’t want to go into the house, or a neighbors prying eyes makes him uncomfortable urinating outside, or a strong swirling wind makes peeing outside a dicey situation…a pee jar is often used.  I won’t go into the imitate details of using a pee jar, as the term itself is pretty self-explanatory, although one should use great discretion in the storing of this equipment. The pee jar is then carried outside of the garage at a convenient time and emptied on the yard, shrubs, roses, etc.  An older gentlemen friend of mine bragged of his vast collection of pee jars that he had collected through the years and displayed them throughout his garage.  One week while he was in Canada fishing with his buddies his wife starting canning vegetables from her garden.  It had been an unusually good year for weather in Iowa and the garden reflected it with an overabundance of crops.  Pea’s, bean’s, corn, tomato’s, cherries, peaches, you name it…it flourished.  In the husband’s absence and her exuberance of canning this bountiful crop the wife ran out of canning jars, so she went out to my friends garage and found his collection of pee jars (looking like empty canning jars…because that’s what they were) she commandeered these jars; and after just a ‘quick rinse’ in warm water starting filling up his old pee jars with her gardens vegetables.  By the time my friend got back and needed one of his pee jars again (which was shortly after he started tossing down a couplea Budweiser’s) he desperately searched high and low for his collection of “special jars”.  Thwarted, he raced across the lawn (as best as a guy can “race” with his legs crossed) and viewed his sweet wife giving some of these now vegetable laden jars to his neighbor.  After he quickly emptied his bladder of it’s contents my friend went into the fruit cellar where he surveyed shelf after shelf, row after row, shelves filled floor to ceiling with fruits and vegetables…in identical pee jars.  I don’t think that he ever said anything about those jars, except that they ate out a lot more after that summer.  My advice is to never use a canning jar as your pee jar, or anything made by Tupperware or Rubbermaid either.  Thanks for asking!!  Bottoms up Shifty!! 

Thanks to those that wrote in and those that wanted to but don’t know how.  Have a great week and keep those letters coming!  God bless!






4 thoughts on “Letters to the editor part cino!!

  1. Good pee bottle story. Us mountaineers use one too. It allows us to go during the night without having to leave the comfort of a warm sleeping bag. But, WOE, to the clumsy! I know of some tentmates who can get’r dun without even turing a headlamp on!! No thanks, I’ll opt to shed some light on the subject. Failure is not pleasant. We do prefer a plastic jug, Nalgene. Most of us put a HUGE mark on it to limit is future use.

  2. Yep. I remember as a teenager, when I tore down a garage which had a designated “pee corner.” Wish someone would have told me before I went at it with a sledgehammer and turned it into “pee-wood dust!”

    • “Pee wood dust”…aye? Bet that left a taste in your mouth after smashing up that corner. I grew up peeing in barns and hog sheds where no one could tell “who did what”….so yeah…..good times. 🙂 thanks for reading and writing Doug. 🙂

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