The Top Ten Reason’s That I’ll Miss Audrey As My Barista
(Now stay in Wisconsin this time)
1. Try as he might, Mike just can’t play “Lady of Spain” on the accordion like Audrey can. It’s an emotional rollercoaster for us watching Mike as he wrestles with and painfully pounds out the rhythm….if you can call it that.
2. The cool ass way Audrey draws “racing strips” or “flames” on my paper cup filled with hot and delicious Starbucks Pike…making it the fastest cup of joe on the road.
3. As reigning champions of the Starbucks employee picnic three legged race, Audrey & Jerry (also known as “The Mane Event”) will have to forfeit their title, as she’ll be in the nether regions of Wisconsin. It’s a shame…they were training for the summer Olympics. Don’t even get me started about Wisconsin with their pine forests, Dells & assorted cheeses. Stupid Badgers.
4. How Audrey would give each customer a free bottle rocket on certain days of the week. So recklessly patriotic that Audrey.
5. How Holly, Lacy and Audrey would try to out-do each other with their “tater-tot casserole bake off’s”. Last years winner…Holly’s “Vodka soaked tot’s with spicy ground beef & cheese bake.” Her secret is that she soaks the tot’s in vodka! Mmmm….so sleepy.
6. How she’s changed her normal customer greeting to “Top of the mornin’ to ya captain!” from “Whatzz-up stupid?!”
7. How she makes my favorite “Triple Chocoholic Blizzard” in record time…oh wait a minute….that’s Annie over at Dairy Queen who does that! My bad. But seriously…if you ever start making Blizzards at your store…you won’t get rid of me. Dead serious…you won’t.
8. The funny way that Audrey, Amanda and Nicole built that kickass snow fort last winter in the parking lot and pelted the Taco Bell and Burger King employees into submission with their literal “heat seeking snowballs from hell” accuracy. (mental note…avoid that Taco Bell and Burger King during winter)
9. The way she almost had an emotional breakdown when the NFL threatened a season long lockout, keeping her from her eventual husband…Green Bay quarterback…Aaron Rodgers. It’ll be a spring wedding; I’m sure of it, but the reception will probably be a potluck. I’m bringing Pop Rocks candy and 7 UP while Marta’s haulin’ in a five gallon bucket of cole slaw…the kiss ass.
10. The way Tiffany high fives and grabs a little air time chest bumping Audrey and the rest of their employees after the completion of every order. It’s a little redundant, but mesmerizing at the same time. HIGH FIVE ME!!!