WATCH OUT!! YOU ALMOST STEPPED INTO A STEAMING HOT PILE OF BLOG!!
Dudley H. of Imogene, IA asked me a startling question via the 1-800-RICHRIPLEYWORDPRESS.COM HOTLINE. It goes as follows, “Was that an earthquake I felt this past Sunday evening in Eastern Iowa?!” No Dudley, that seismic shift that you felt was yours truly joining the 21st century. You see, I bought my first LED TV and Sunday was the first day that I used it. Our old TV, a 32” Sanyo, was dying a slow and aggravating death being 13+ years old and weighing around eight hundred pounds. I slyly mentioned to my lovely wife that if I didn’t get a new TV by the time the college football season kicked off that I would whine incessantly until I got my way. Knowing how much I whine on a regular basis she reluctantly agreed as long as I didn’t spend too much money. Aided by the superior advice of my best friend, Dave, I chose what would best fit my budget, my standards (lower than most peoples) and our nice entertainment center. I also bought a modest sound system to compliment the TV. It’s not a “high end” TV/sound system like many have but it’s so much better than what we had. A local TV camera news crew came out and captured the event for their ten o’clock news and the local newspaper had this headline “Local man emerges from cave and buys first LED TV!” I just wish that they hadn’t used a photo depiction of a Neanderthal for my photo. Thanks for using my hotline Dudley!
Marcelia J. is all worked up in rural Osceola, IA. She penned this letter to me; “Why on earth do young men walk around in public with their pants drooping down past their buttocks?! A person can see their underwear and they look like damn fools!” Yes, Marcelia, I totally agree and I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why, so I went to the most reliable source I know for such matters, the Internet. An Internet search on your very question turned up several recurring themes that I’ll expound upon here. One suggested reason is that these young men are former prison inmates who weren’t allowed to posses a belt while incarcerated. Thusly, having their pants droop in public is a sign that they’re “a really bad dude.” Another reason, along the same line, is that they’re gang members and its part of their “ fashion-code” (which strikes me as funny as they’re fighting against the establishment and the first thing that they do is establish rules themselves…go figure). The third suggested reason that I found on the Internet is that these men are “advertising” themselves as “open to a homosexual experience.” I hadn’t heard that one before, but it’s out there on the Internet and even though I don’t believe everything that I read I know that some folks have different lifestyles than I. What I think is that young men aren’t the smartest people around and they just do some stupid thing that they saw on TV, or maybe the Internets correct. Honestly…I don’t care. Maybe what you should do Marcelia, is buy some belts at the Goodwill Store and have ‘em handy in your purse in case you come across someone with “droopy drawers” and in your best motherly voice put your hand on the young mans shoulders, hand them a belt and whisper “here you go honey…sometimes I forget to dress myself too.”
Let me know how that works out for ya.
Thanks for writing kids! Keep up the great work and keep those letters a comin’.