Why Doug Doesn’t Like Weddings

The Top 10 Reasons That My Cousin Doug Isn’t

Looking Forward To This Weekends Wedding

1. Weddings always make him cry like a little girl.

2. He’s checked the menu and there’s no “little smokies in BBQ sauce” OR “pigs in a blanket.” DAMMIT!

3. He’ll miss the season premiere of the TV show “COPS.” Whatcha gonna do…BAD BOY BAD BOY?

4. His wife, Barb, is gonna make him try some of those ultra fancy “Dancing with the Stars” moves while he only knows the “Macarena” & “cabbage patch”.

5. He wonders why it always has to be wedding cake. Why not wedding pie? A nice blueberry, or apple?  Hells bells…would a triple berry be out of the question?

6. Doug usually goes pants-less after seven o’clock on Saturday nights. It’s just the way they roll in beautiful Mercer county Illinois.

7. He can’t invite any imaginary friends. Lester, Claude and Maury….you’ll have to stay in the truck.

8. He’s checked the DJ’s play-list and there’s no “Freebird, B.T.O.” or “Ray Stevens.” Crummy stupid DJ.

9. He’s been told that he can’t play his “air guitar” but they didn’t mention his “air fiddle”. I hear a little “the devil went down to Georgia” comin’ on!!

10. He always forgets which fork to use during fancy smancy shindigs like this. Is it the salad fork? The BBQ fork?  The scooper spoon? (for getting’ the corn to the old pie-hole) Or the middle-sized fork? (A guy accidentally keeps the serving fork one time and uses it to eat with and he’s unfairly branded a country bumpkin for life!) I’ve got ten bucks that says old Doug ends up at KFC before it’s all over with.

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11 thoughts on “Why Doug Doesn’t Like Weddings

  1. Visiting from my friend, MJ’s, blog today. Congrats on the award she presented you.
    Your post today made me smile, and reminded me of my hubby. No, he doesn’t do those things you mentioned, EXCEPT….if he thinks there’s going to be “fancy-smancy” food at an event we’re attending, he’ll stop for a hamburger ON THE WAY, so he won’t starve!

    • Your husband sounds like a reasonable enough guy to me! Thanks for coming over from MJ’s blog. I always appreciate visitors and comments. I’m working on a new kind of blog…I like to call “BLOG lite”….a blog with HALF the calories of a regular blog. MMMmmm…always fresh & delicous blog. Hope to hear from you again. Take care.
      R

    • Thanks for stopping by and commenting. I try to write fun and lighthearted stuff that folks will enjoy. I’ll leave the serious stuff for the “60 MINUTES” TV show to cover. 🙂
      Take care,
      R

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