$75 for quick and efficient dating…for realsies!

I’m the kind of enterprising young man who’s always lookin’ to make a couplea extra bucks, you know some “coin-on-the-side” for the family to help us with life’s unexpected expenses (i.e. new 60” plasma TV). Anyway, I was just sitting around…watching the boob tube when I keep seeing all of these “dating website” commercials. E-Harmony.com; match.com; date.com etc, etc and I think to myself “I could do something like that for single folks and make some dough while I’m at it. Basically what would happen is some single person (mostly women) would come to me for advice on how to find a man. I’d listen to their story then come up with a “top 10” list of why guys should date this gal, and I’d charge around $75. I’d be great for this since I know what guys are looking for AND “I CAN TALK THE TALK” so that with this simple ten point list…the gal can get a guy, or vice versa, simple as that. I’d print out a couplea hundred of these fliers then he/she could put them on truck & car windshields, in auto parts stores, bars, taverns & grills, convenience stores or wherever they choose. A top ten list might look very much like the following. (I’ll do one for each)

 A Top Ten List Of Why The

Ladies Would Love To

 Date Larry

 1. He rarely swears in church.

2. He has his back, ear and nose hair trimmed quarterly.

3. Larry loves to dance the Macarena!

4. If you like 6 pack abs, then you’ll love Larry’s 12 packer!

5. Two words. English Leather.

6. Two more words. Old Spice.

7. He has a great credit score and will co-sign a loan after your first eight dates!

8. Larry was voted “Male Most Likely To Succeed” in his senior class of 1989.

9. He knows his way around “under the hood.” He really does…he took three years of “auto tech” courses at the local community college. I could’ve said that he knows his way around “your trunk” since he took “body work” courses during those three years…but that sounded too creepy. That being said…Larry’s a gentleman.

10. Larry’s a close personal friend of the Pope. They have coffee every other Saturday at Starbucks. That Pope…quite the teaser.

(And for the ladies)


 A Top Ten List Of Why

Dudes Should

Date Wilma

1. She’s smokin’ hot in her bathrobe and slippers! GGRRRR! Check out that ankle-action!

2. Her famous “Bourbon soaked Sweet & Tangy Ham Balls” took home the blue ribbon from the 2010 Cedar County Fair. SUCK ON THAT PAULA DEAN!!

3. Her breath smells like black raspberries, probably because she uses lip-gloss from the mall…it has absolutely nothing to do with the black raspberry vodka that she sips on throughout the day.

4. Her dancing is hypnotic, almost like watching someone have a seizure. You can’t take your eyes off of her.

5. Because four out of five dentists recommend that you should date Wilma. The one dentist that didn’t recommend Wilma is gay, and wanted all of the dudes for himself…the gay bastard!

6. The funny way that Wilma gets the waiters attention by going “WOOT! WOOT! WOOT!!” Classic Wilma!

7. The way she playfully flirts with the produce clerks in the grocery store…handling the squash & kumquats with a wink of her eye.

8. Her cheesy tater tot casserole is to die for!

9. Wilma loves animals so much that she has approximately 27 cats living with her.

10. Wilma has a punch card for the local Dunkin Donut that’s practically filled up and the next guy might get lucky enough to use it to get that free dozen donuts or free medium specialty coffee.

It’s a start…I’ll just think it over for a while and see if it’s worth the trouble. Love in exchange for money….it’s not a new idea.


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