I’m going to keep this light and easily digestible seeing as how everyone else and their brother will be blogging about gratitude and such this week.
First things first. The turkey could disappear from the face of the earth and I wouldn’t shed a tear. Sure, having it at Thanksgiving is nice but after the initial meal and then a couplea sandwiches in the days after, I’m done with it. I don’t care how much is left; it’s dead to me. The same can’t be said of a spiral cut smoked holiday ham. No one ever complains about having to eat the ham leftovers for days on end because with ham, the leftovers don’t last past a day or two, plus I love ham! Long live the pig! Eat more pork!
Is it just me, or does a squirrel that’s startled and darts through a yard full of dry leaves sound like a rhinoceros is suddenly charging at you through those same leaves? Cripes….I just about had a heart attack today when one came at me…stupid erratic charging squirrels and their crunchy leaves.
I think that everyone has misheard the lyrics to a song before though I feel that I might be the guy who mishears the most, making up for those sharp-eared rascals who understand every word to every song. Here are just two examples of misunderstood lyrics that I was called out on by innocent bystanders.
1. Eddie Money’s song “I think I’m in love”. It was the early 1980’s as I sat in my high schools locker room. I was lacing up my high top Nikes getting ready for basketball practice and as I sat there I sang what I thought were the lyrics to the song “I think I’m in love…’cuz I can’t get it up” when upperclassman Brian “Hi-Fi” Timmerman stopped and said “you idiot! It’s ‘I think I’m in love, ‘cuz I can’t get enough!” “Well”…I thought to myself, “that does make a lot more sense than what I was singing.” (I was a sophomore at the time and thought that old Eddie Money was really, really in love so deeply that he just couldn’t muster sexual excitement- – – which I felt was horrifying…but he seemed to want to sing about it so….yeah).
2. It was sometime in late 1999 and our three daughters were listening to Ricky Martins hit single “Livin’ La Vida Loca” on our vans radio when I decided to chime in on the lyrics (kids love for their Dad’s to do this to their favorite songs). I started singing “her lips are devil rays! Livin’ La Vida Loca!” When all three girls screamed for me to stop. I was kinda concerned since I’m not that horrible of a singer, but then one of them told me “Dad…the words are “her lips are devil red, not devil rays” and up to that point I thought that maybe it was just a cultural thing that guys down there where Ricky lives have a thing for devil rays, or aquatic life. I dunno know, but I stand corrected.
I’m already tired of seeing those jewelry and luxury car commercials on TV where the guy gives his wife some kickass piece of jewelry or a Lexus as a gift. Get real! Do those commercials really work?! No guy I know just sits around and suddenly gets the idea from the commercial “Dang gummit!! That’s what I’ll get Myrna for Christmas!! A sixty thousand dollar imported SUV!!” Just makes me wonder.
May every one of you have a blessed, safe and healthy holiday and may your loved ones not kiss you with devil ray lips.