Rich’s Top Ten

New Year’s

Resolutions For 2012


1.     To not pose bare chested in Country Woman magazine, no matter how many free subscriptions that they offer me.

2.     To not take up jogging or speed walking for fear of the stress fractures to my rib cage that my jigging love handles might cause.  (It’s a real concern)

3.     To kick Presidential Candidate Ron Paul out of my tool shed.  “Presidential Campaign Headquarters” my ass!!  I can’t get to my rake and snow shovels!

4.     To quit curb side kneeling in prayer prior to having our fifteen year old drive us somewhere.

5.     To quit counting pie filling, French fries, pickles & salsa as part of my daily vegetable intake, but ketchup is staying.

6.     To quit referring to myself as “Captain Incredible” whenever I sign in at meetings, hotels, motels, gift registries, church directories or making reservations for supper.  It sounds pretty cool when they page me “Captain Incredible…table of five…Incredible party of five, your table is ready.”

7.     To call all of the Presidential candidates at suppertime or after nine o’clock at night and ask “do you mind answering a few questions about the upcoming election?”

8.     To start giving free air guitar lessons to poor inner city kids and adults.  I’m givin’ til it hurts people.

9.     To assemble all Civil War, Star Trek and Star Wars re-enactors and put them all into “The Octagon” for a battle royal.  Last re-enactor standing wins…like that had to be said.  My money’s on the Klingon dude with the kickass mullet!

10.                       To eat more BBQ!!