Rogue Bigfoot steals UFO…ditchs in Loch Ness (film at 11)

It’s the tail end of winter up here in the midwestern part of these great United States or what I lovingly refer to as “The Nations Love-Handles.”  There’s not a lot for the average guy, like me, to do but watch TV and add another layer of blubber to be sweated off in the hot and humid months known as “The Devil’s Sweatshop” of June, July and August, pushing around a mower, then fertilizing and spraying for Creeping Charlie…the weed….not my wife’s old boyfriend.  Anyway…I’ve been watching my favorite channel, The History Channel HD, and it amazes me how many shows they have on finding the following: Bigfoot, UFO’s and sea monsters.

As a boy growing up in rural America in the 1970’s those very subjects fascinated me.  I remember going to a movie in the old Hardacre Theater in Tipton that advertised “come see for yourself the evidence that the government doesn’t want you to see about Bigfoot’s, UFO’s and sea monsters” which turned out to be pretty much what we’d already seen on TV specials without the benefit of watching it in a darkened theater with sticky floors…but the subject won’t die, so here’s my take on the matter since no ones bothered to ask.

Bigfoot.  Yeah I can believe that they exist, and I don’t know why we haven’t found ‘em yet.  It seems to me I hear of some wise-guy scientists in the rain forests/jungles of the Amazon finding dozens and dozens of new, as yet, previously undiscovered species of animals and bugs in the depths of some nasty place.  Some of these bugs are no larger than your thumbnail and yet they’re being FOUND in a JUNGLE, yet we can’t find one eight foot tall hairy Bigfoot in the state of Washington!  Com’ on America!  Where’s your priorities?!  I suggest that we take those scientists from the jungle who’ve been huntin’ bugs and put ‘em on the trail of old Bigfoot himself…hell…they’d probably find him before their coffee gets cold.  I’m just sayin’ it can be done.

Sea monsters.   Sure, I can believe that there are “things” that live in large bodies of water that don’t like to sidle up next to whaling boats or Lund fishing boats to have their photos snapped.  It’s been said that, as a society, we know more about our moon than we do about what’s in our oceans…and since it wasn’t said by me, it sounds legitimate.

Ghosts.  I haven’t mentioned this before but since we’re on “un-proved” ground I thought I’d give you my opinion on this too since you’re this far into this blog.  Yeah…I think that there are such things as “ghosts.”  You don’t grow up in an old farmhouse that used to be a stagecoach stop and not believe in ghosts (having two older brothers and an ornery Dad didn’t help dispel my fledging imagination).  But seriously….there’s a whole dimension of stuff that we either don’t understand or is shielded from us…but I believe that there’s “something to this” ghost stuff.

UFO’s.  I can believe that there might be something to this as well.  I’m a Christian.  I believe that God created me, and you and everyone else…though who’s to say that He didn’t create more than just us?  He’s an awesome God, why limit Him to just “us”.  I have a skeptical side to this as well which says to me “if some aliens are so darned advanced than us then why haven’t they just landed on the lawn at the White House and told us what’s going on?”  But if you’re an advanced species accustomed to traveling through the cosmos’s then communicating with humans might be the equivalent of us going to the zoo and looking into the “ape sanctuary”.  They’re cute and interesting…but they smell bad, they’re unpredictable and occasionally throw poop at us….so why bother.

If aliens from space did land I’d expect some stuff to happen that only an advanced species could do like:

  • Balance our national budget.

President:  “Wow…you balanced the budget in ten minutes!” 

Alien: “You forget to carry the one.”

  • Cure horrible diseases: 

Alien: “Eat one of these every day for the rest of your life and you’ll live a thousand years without illness.”

 Middle-aged guy: “It’s a pine cone. Are there any side effects?”

 Alien: “Your sex organs will dry-up and fall off, but you’ll be really, really smart.”

Middle-aged man”  (tossing the pine cone back to the alien) “Forget it…that’s another 950 years of filing Federal Tax returns and nothing to look forward too.”

Alien:  “We hear that a lot.”

If I were to cruise through the galaxies I think that I’d crank up Peter Frampton’s “Show me the way.”

What song would you cruise too, and have you seen something that you couldn’t prove…but believe that it exists?


2 thoughts on “Rogue Bigfoot steals UFO…ditchs in Loch Ness (film at 11)

  1. total believer – esp in ghosts. Too many occurrences on old farm buildings to not believe … Peter Frampton would make for an awesome cruise through the galaxy, but I’d have to add some Tom Petty, Elvis and The Beatles just for good measure.

    Glad to see you again, RR, and here’s to skipping pine cones – Ha!


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