The Top Ten List of Things That I’ve Come To Accept

(at age 46)

1.  That I’ve turned into an old man at the tender age of 46. I like my cut fruit served at room temperature, not chilled. There’s no flavor when it’s ice cold.

2.  That I still freak out if I walk face first into a spider web. Triple freak out if it’s a wolf spider web and the spiders still in it.  (girlish screaming sounds)

3.  That these sounds restore my soul:  a gentle breeze shuffling leaves in a big oak, bird’s singing, babies and children laughing; of church’s that still chime at lunch time; an old time church pipe organ playing some ancient melody prior to services; waves lapping at the shore, a loon, bugs chirping at night.  A woman humming.  God’s in it all.

4.  That watching the little kids at the city pool run, skip and jump into the water makes me laugh more than most prime time TV shows.  Their uninhibited joy and wonder is…almost inspiring…and we just don’t get enough of that these days.

5.  That caring for someone isn’t always pleasant and tidy like the greeting cards say.  Show me a card that reads “I think that you’re an idiot for what you said but you’re still a good friend….so let’s have a drink sometime soon” and I’d consider buying it.

6.  That everything’s better with either lard, butter or bacon in it, except the cut fruit.  Leave the cut fruit alone.

7.  That I’m too big for my older brothers to pick me up and use me as a “human shield” like they did in the 1970’s during their paper wad fights.  Let’s just say that I “took one for the team” repeatedly as a child.  My reward…a stick of Wrigley’s Juicy Fruit chewing gum.  My price has gone up.  I’m a Doublemint man now. (I’d like to see them attempt the whole “human shield” thing again with me but they’re just ornery enough to drag me slowly while the other pelts me mercilessly with paper wads).

8.  That after I dive into the deep end of the pool I effortlessly glide further through its depths like never before, kind of like those walrus’ that you see in those huge Plexiglass tanks at Sea World.  Can I take a moment to thank the good folks who use lard, butter and bacon in their cooking for this “gift”?

9.  That I’m making a concerted effort to avoid those “the glass is always half empty” types.  They’re sapping me of my energy and dragging me down.

10.  That I’m long past feeling bad about myself for having a piece of pie for breakfast at this stage of my life.  “Pie…it’s what’s for breakfast.”  Or room temperature cut fruit is good too.

Learned anything lately?

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