My friend, who’s name is Yalun (pronounced Ya-Loon) has worked her butt off to be only the fourth (in the state of Iowa) certified Cicerone. A Cicerone is someone who is trained and certified to tell you lots of important stuff about craft beers, wines and liquors and what you can eat with them that will bring out the best in both the dish and the drink. (helluva gig...right?) Anyway…I’ve known Yalun for about fifteen years now and she’s risen from the ranks of a peon like me, to an important person in our company and yet she still maintains a down to earth, approachable and friendly demeanor (when she could totally have me put to death…you know…with her supervisory powers and such). So anyway…this Top Ten List is for you….Yalun.
Top 10 perks that Yalun gets for
being a certified Cicerone
1. Yalun gets all of the free pickled eggs that she can eat for free from the pickled egg jars at all participating Casey’s General Stores. MMmmmm….pickled eggs.
2. Yalun gets to wear personalized tee-shirts that read “I’m a certified Cicerone and you’re NOT…so SUCK IT!”
3. Yalun’s company car is now a Chevy SUV in the shape of a wine bottle lying on its side…much in the same way the Wienermobile looks like a hot dog with wheels…but her Winemobile has satellite radio, heated leather seats and is totally pimped out with chrome rims and a CB radio.
4. Yalun’s so smart now that she’s finally found the correct craft beer pairing for my peanut butter, Pepperidge Farm Goldfish crackers & fried egg sandwich. Who knew it would be Guadalupe Brewing’s “Texas Honey Ale”? YALUN, THAT’S WHO!! (That’s why she kicks ass at this sort of stuff!!)
5. Now that Yalun’s a certified Cicerone she gets to correct people when they say party favorite “Jell-O shots” she can calmly state “Folks…these are gelatin shots…we don’t actually know for certain that the brand name Jell-O was actually used for this drink” and folks will have to abide in her correction since she’s a cicerone and all that.
6. Now that she’s a cicerone, Yalun gets to wear the “CICERONE SUPER-HERO UNIFORM” which consists of “a purple cape with a huge golden “C” embroidered in it, red vinyl boots that come up to her knees, and a golden utility belt complete with bottle opener, church key, wine bottle opener, dental floss and road flares.” So cool…and a touch on the classy side too….but not too effeminate.
7. She gets first dibs on the foosball table at the corporate office “company executive break room”. Back off everybody!! Yalun’s IN THE HOUSE!!
8. Yalun gets all of the free THICKBURGERS that she can eat every month that begins with the letter “J”, at all locally participating Hardees. (Fries and drink are an additional charge…you’re a cicerone…not a freakin’ astronaut! Astronaut…now there’s a great looking uniform. They get to wear HELMETS WITH ANTENNAES!!
9. Yalun gets a free lifetime subscription to “FOOD & WINE” magazine to go along with her existing free magazine subscriptions of “Popular Mechanics” & “Wallace’s Farmer.” (She loves the agricultural themed Sudoku in Wallace’s Farmer but totally disagrees with their stance on Brazilian free range chicken farming; she just has to put her foot down sometime!)
10. Now that Yalun’s a certified Cicerone she can tell those uppity snobs at the Chicago Wine School to go take a hike…she’s a company executive and she’s not going anywhere….except for Hollywood…she’d definitely go to Hollywood if they wanted to make a movie of her life. Most definitely….OR Nashville. She’s always had a deep and board affection of bluegrass music with the banjo’s, harmonica’s and mandolin’s. But until either Hollywood or Nashville call…she’s definitely staying put….unless…