Okay….so I’m driving home last night when I see a local grocery store having a “customer appreciation” night in their parking lot complete with free hot dogs, drinks, activities for the kids and an inflatable bouncy house. I love bouncy houses. So I parked my truck and hauled ass into said bouncy house and totally rocked that thing for like twenty or thirty minutes before an authority figure complete with a white shirt, tie and name badge showed up at the entrance of my bouncy house. Mister Authority told me that I was “too old” to be in the bouncy house. I told him that I have “that disease that ages children and makes them look hideously old and partially balding” so “lay off me, man!!” (he doesn’t believe me) He then tells me that I’m above the posted individual weight limit to which I reply (while bouncing…it is a bouncy house) “I’m just big-boned”. By this time a crowd had gathered around the bouncy house to see what Mister Authority’s next move is AND because I’m really, really good at bouncing inside bouncy houses (kudos to the folks who put this bad-boy up. The PSI ratio to weight was exceptional. That’s Pounds per Square Inch for all of you non-inflation to weight ratio types). Anyway…Mister Authority tried to take matters into his own hands and enter said bouncy house to either:
A…join me and enjoy the bouncy house on his employers dime. OR
B…attempt to remove me (good luck with that)
Mister Authority didn’t get very far as he couldn’t get a reasonable foothold to get into the bouncy house since I never stopped bouncing and he wasn’t the “bouncy house kind of guy.” (we all know who they are…) I eventually relent and am pulled from my bouncy house by Mister Authority and two of his underlings which is good since I was kind of getting tired though I didn’t feel very appreciated at that point, but the crowd that I had attracted was really cheering me on (I’m a bit of a wallflower) and the attention wasn’t doing me any good. Throngs of folks, with the exception of one older lady, patted me on the back and wished me well (I told you that I’m really, really good at bouncing inside bouncy houses….a guy doesn’t make up stuff like this.)
I had a free hot dog and was disappointed at its substandard quality and made a mental note to let the manager know of my displeasure with it, still it was a pretty good night.